


Man of Mystery

by pupeez4eva



Category: Gravity Falls, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Reincarnation, Stan Pines is reborn as Itachi Uchiha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 04:37:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21238298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: "He eventually decides that the old tourist trap worked great back in Gravity Falls, and decides that he’ll open one in the middle of the Uchiha Compound. Place seems pretty huge, and there’s no way they’re using all of that space, right?"(Wherein Stan Pines is reborn as Itachi Uchiha, and the Uchihas are just done).





	Man of Mystery

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'm writing another Gravity Falls/Naruto crossover, with another of the Pines being reborn as an Uchiha...yeah...I just couldn't get this idea out of my head haha. And I really need to get around to updating 'Once Again', which I definitely will! ...Hopefully soon haha.
> 
> Also, just letting you know, this fic has nothing to do with Once Again (my other GF/Naruto fic where Mabel is reborn as Sasuke).
> 
> Enjoy!

When Stan Pines finally kicks the bucket, he expects to wake up in either Heaven or Hell. He’s honestly not sure which one he prefers, because on one hand, endless clouds and harp music sounds mind numbingly boring, but on the other hand, he can’t imagine Mabel, or Dipper, or goody-two-shoes Ford ending up anywhere else when their time eventually came.  
  
In the end it doesn’t really matter, because he doesn’t end up in either of those places. Instead, he finds himself staring into the face of a very attractive foreign women, who, if Stan were a few decades younger, would totally bang.  
  
(Later on, when it becomes apparent that this woman is actually his new mother, he pretends very hard that he never had these thoughts).   
  
A moment later, Stan realises that the world around him seems way too big, and the people peering down at him seem way too close, and Stan opens his mouth to tell them to fuck off, and that personal space would very much be appreciated - and all that comes out is a strange gurgling sound.  
  
Stan peers down. He can’t really move his head, but he gets the picture. He then opens his mouth and screams as loud as he can, which no one finds strange because he’s apparently _trapped in the body of a baby._  
  
…  
  
Stan eventually gets the hang of life in this new world. It helps that after the first few years of being trapped in a body with limited function (being a baby with the mind of an old man _sucks)_ being at an age where he can actually walk, and talk, and do things for himself makes him want to dance with joy.  
  
He misses his family, obviously. Ford, Mabel and Dipper occupy his thoughts constantly, even as the years pass by, but by now Stan is used to being given the blunt end of the stick in life.   
  
His new name is Itachi Uchiha. Everyone around here speaks Japanese, even though the majority of them don’t particularly _look_ Japanese (there are multiple people with blonde hair and blue eyes for Christ sake!) but Stan can’t be bothered to really ponder this too much. He picks up on the language fairly quickly even though he’s never spoken a word of Japanese in his previous life - being trapped in the body of a baby, with nothing to do but stare at people, listen, and make weird noises all day, apparently has some uses, like making a person bilingual.   
  
His new parents don’t bother him too much. Fugaku is strict, but had nothing on Filbrick Pines. Stan was fairly certain the man wouldn’t have the heart to throw his teenage son out onto the street and never speak to him again. Then again, being a teenager doesn’t seem to mean much around here. Being a _child_ doesn’t seem to mean much around here.   
  
Also, there were just _way_ too many Uchihas around. And way too much interbreeding. Stan is pretty sure it isn’t something unique to the Uchihas, since there seems to be an abundance of those weird creepy pupil-less people around the village too.  
  
…  
  
He is _way_ too pretty for his own good, Stan decides, glaring at the mirror. Long hair, big eyes, eyelashes for days — Jesus, he looks like a girl. He looks like the protagonist of one of Mable’s romance novels, or a character from The Duchess Approves (He misses that show).   
  
Deciding that this won’t do, he grabs a pair of scissors, and then hastily chops all those silky, luxurious locks off. He peers back at his reflection, and the short, messy, uneven nest his hair has become.  
  
He’s still gorgeous. _Goddammit._  
  
…  
  
In this lifetime, with Stan Pines in the lead, Itachi Uchiha is definitely not a prodigy. He’s okay with that. Mikoto is okay with it too.   
  
Fugaku and the Uchiha council really aren’t, but Stan doesn’t give a shit. He’s long since stopped caring what other people think of him. And besides, creating a Tourist Trap took a leap of faith, and he’d always been willing to take risks.  
  
(And no matter what anyone thinks, he rebuilt Ford’s stupid portal thing all on his own. Sure, it took him thirty years, but he’d like to see those crusty old shits on the council do _that)._  
  
He does end up learning some Jutsus, because he thinks it’s pretty damn cool to be able to shoot fire out of his mouth, and change into someone else. He’d be insane _not_ to want to learn that, even if it means actually paying attention in class.  
  
(Plus, he’s pretty sure Mabel and Dipper would be in awe of all of it. Ford, too. He’s pretty sure all three of them would’ve gotten a kick out of this place).  
  
Eventually, he graduates at the very normal age of twelve. And, to his credit, he does spend some time on the field. A very, very short amount of time.   
  
He soon realises that this _really_ isn’t for him. Sure, it’s fun and adventurous, but it is way too bloody and murderous for his liking. He’s seen a lot in his past life — chewed his way out of a car, dealt with not knowing if his twin brother was alive or dead for decades, faced down a Dorito-shaped dream demon — but that doesn’t mean he wants to deal with that stuff _every day._ No wonder so many of these people seem to have major mental issues.  
  
After quickly coming to the realisation that, while breathing fire and cloning himself is all very well and good, he is _not_ cut out for the less pleasant aspects of the job, he sits down and debates what to do.   
  
Quitting sounds great, but it also destroys his one chance of leaving his damn village, which, even with all the ninjas, is just way too quaint and not nearly crazy enough for his tastes (where were all the gnomes? The talking bears? The unicorns? He’d seen some talking dogs, but he needs _more_ dammit!).  
  
Honestly, there are only a few things that Stan really likes about this place. Sasuke, who is way too adorable, and reminds him so much of Mabel and Dipper that it’d be impossible _not_ to like him. Shisui, who buys him heaps of sugary foreign sweets. Mikoto, who is not only the perfect mum, but who is also a former dangerous ninja assassin, and how can you not like someone like_ that._   
  
(And whoever wrote those Icha Icha books, because they were kind of like The Duchess Approves, but in book form and with more naked people, and _how could you not like that?)._  
  
In the end, he decides that it’s not like he left Gravity Falls all that much anyway in the years he’d been trying to get his brother back. So he ends up quitting, and Fugaku comes close to having an aneurysm.   
  
He then starts to consider his options. Quitting his very brief dreams of being a ninja was all well and good, but there really wasn’t much to do around here. He eventually decides that the old tourist trap worked great back in Gravity Falls, and decides that he’ll open one in the middle of the Uchiha Compound. Place seems pretty huge, and there’s no way they’re using all of that space, right?  
  
Everyone protests, except for Mikoto, who just looks a mixture of concerned and amused, Shisui who just looks amused, and Sasuke who is confused, but there aren’t technically any laws against it, and Stan decides there’s no point in being the heir of this clan if he doesn’t take advantage of the power imbalance. So. He’s doing this, regardless of what anyone says.  
  
He soon decides that he’ll go crazy if he sees anymore Uchiha faces, and ends up hiring two kids he’s seen around the village. There’s the weird blonde one who no one seems to like for whatever reason (seriously, the kid reminds him of a male version of Mabel, and what are these people smoking if they can’t want to shower _that_ with love and affection?), and a pink haired kid that makes Stan’s head hurt a bit, because _how and why does she have pink hair?_  
  
The kids come to help him out in-between their classes at the academy, and seem all too happy to do it. Naruto seems to just love the company, and Sakura keeps staring way too intently at Sasuke whenever he drops by, so that probably explains why she’s so eager to help out. Sure, they were super young, and there’d probably be laws against this back home — underage labour, or whatever — but if kids are apparently old enough to live by themselves at this age (seriously,_ what the hell),_ then they’re old enough to work.  
  
He makes sure to get them heaps of ramen and sweets to say thank you. They’re kind of like the much younger versions of Wendy and Soos. He even tries to get Naruto to call him, “Mr Uchiha.”  
  
“Oh, you are definitely the new Soos,” he breathes when Naruto complies. Naruto just looks confused but happy, because seriously, when does that kid ever not look happy?  
  
Eventually Sasuke starts spending more and more time at the tourist trap — which he has named the New Mystery Shack — much to Sakura’s delight. He doesn’t want to be left behind, and he’s jealous of Naruto and Sakura spending so much time with his brother. For Stan, it means more unpaid help around the place, so he’s not complaining.  
  
Eventually, bit by bit, more and more people start visiting. The Uchiha council are furious, Fugaku is past the point of arguing and just looks exhaustedly frustrated these days, and Stan is just excited to make more money.  
  
There’s an air of mystery around the Uchiha compound, what with the separation between the Uchihas and the rest of the village. This seems to help businesses, as curious villagers stream in. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura spread the word around school, and soon start dragging their schoolmates with them.  
  
Stan, borrowing from his old style from back in Gravity Falls, fakes all his tourist attractions. He takes inspiration from back home. And, as time goes on, and the visitors continue to stream in, the Uchiha compound — and the Uchihas themselves, many of whom have started to interact more with the visitors (the shop vendors in particular seem pleased at all the new potential customers) — seem to lose it’s intimidating air.  
  
In this world, the Uchiha coup is never thought up, because, with all the recent attention, the Uchihas stop noticing that they were shunned in the first place. And Fugaku and the council…well, they were a little too busy trying to (unsuccessfully) keep people out of the compound, and wishing that they were still being ignored.  
  
Stan is oblivious to all of this. He’s just happy he finally has something to do around here.


End file.
